(Note: MIB will not be easy!)
My Dear Wormwood,
Thanks for your recent email. I am well but in need of a much deserved vacation (Like that is ever going to happen!). On that note, if "The Boss" ever asks you to go to his vacation home at "The Lake," by all means go. I hear that many of the world's elite live there. It must be a fantastic place because no one has ever come back here to work in this sweat shop.
Yes, we have noticed "God's Men In Black" and share your concerns. It was bad enough that you were asleep and they blindsided us and it started in the first place. We do not want this to go any further. If MIB is not
stopped in its tracks now, it could become a cancer that could relentlessly spread to others. If that most unfortunate circumstance happens, you know who would be very displeased. We have devised a two pronged attack to deal with this new threat: 1) before they join MIB, and 2) after they join MIB.
Obviously, keeping them from joining an MIB group in the first place is the preferable option. We feel that the best way to keep them from joining is to give them a feeling of inadequency. If you get them to believe that you must be a "Spirtiual Giant" to be part of MIB, you've won. (By the way, have you ever noticed that those they call "Spiritual Giants" are often weak and frail? I don't get it.) Most men don't view themselves as a spiritual giant and will therefore feel inadequate and never join MIB. The feeling of inadequency is a very powerful tool, unless they know that God makes them adequate. If that happens, you are in deep trouble and you know about deep!
If, by any unfortunate circumstance, someone slips through the cracks and joins MIB, you must move immediately to contain the damage. Quickly throw the feeling of inadequency in their face. It may work. Make sure that on their day someone at work brings in their favorite snack. Keep their mind so occcupied that they don't (or at least think they don't) have time to talk with their King. Communication with their King is a very bad thing for us. Isn't it interesting, however, that sometimes He seems to be silent for a time and allows us to "test" these miserable creatures. That is another thing I just don't get. "Do not," and I repeat "Do not!" allow them to see even the slightest effect of their efforts. Men are visual creatures and desperately need to to see results. If they don't see any tangible results, they may give up and drop out of the program. Make them feel lonely and discouraged, like they are the only one doing what they do. Under no circumstance are they to be allowed to encourage each other to keep up this horrible battle. I hate to lose!
You will have to use your creative abilities for other ideas.
In my next correspondence, I will tell you more of how to exploit this "visiual" nature of men. I know that you learned it in "Tempting 101" but each day seems to bring more and more potential avenues to entrap men visually.
In closing, a word of encouragement: Remember what happened to your cousin when he failed!
Your affectionate uncle,
Screwtape